Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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