omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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