Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
