seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
