Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
