the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
