Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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