She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Randomize
