I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
