Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I'm really busy with my period
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