Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
