i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
