I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
