You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
