Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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