Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
my vag is so smooth its legendary
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
