Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
