We're like a lot better than the average bears
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
