woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
