Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
