Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
please come you make the beer taste better
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
