We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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