I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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