For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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