YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Randomize
