Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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