Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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