I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
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