I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
