i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
