Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
