wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
