eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
