Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
