Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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