I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
