Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
