yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Randomize
