My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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