i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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