Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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