She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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