Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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