Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
