Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
