Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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