just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
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