i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
