Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
