That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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