omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
